Donna’s story: When traditional services didn’t work, person-centred support in community did
Person-centred community mental health support in Castle Douglas has helped Donna to understand and better manage her mental health and find her voice through poetry, something that Donna never did before.
Before her referral to Change Mental Health, Donna had been struggling with anxiety, panic attacks and emotional isolation. She often stayed at home, unable to go out or do the things she once loved.
Donna was referred to Change Mental Health alongside the hard-stretched traditional mental health services, including her GP and local CMHT (Community Mental Health Team). She found it difficult to speak about her feelings and didn’t know what kind of help she needed.
When Donna began support, she was overwhelmed and unable to express what she was going through. “When I first started outreach support, I had trouble verbalising my problems and it all seemed too overwhelming. I had stopped doing things I loved, like archery and couldn’t even draw a bow. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening.”
It was through person-centred support from Change Mental Health’s Outreach service in Dumfries and Galloway – and meeting with her Outreach Worker at the charity’s resource centred in Castle Douglas – that Donna started to make sense of her past and reconnect with herself.
For people like Donna, who grew up feeling unheard or dismissed, traditional models of support can feel impersonal, rushed or overwhelming. Person-centred support puts the individual at the heart of the process. Rather than following a set agenda, it adapts to what someone is ready to share, when they’re ready to share it.
Here, Donna was able to do poetry and have some honest reflection. At these resource centres – dotted across Dumfries and Galloway in Dumfries, Annan, Stranraer, as well as Castle Douglas – people are offered safe spaces to connect with one another, build confidence and improve wellbeing.
Donna wasn’t rushed by her Outreach Worker. Sessions began steadily by learning how to play backgammon. She needed a space to open up and begin to trust again, but she got there step by step.
“I didn’t say much for a while. I had trust issues and she didn’t rush me but she did say clearly that she will not be able to help me if I don’t talk.
“I began to bring in my own backgammon board as a way to stay calm. That worked well for a while and it meant I didn’t always have to talk, but I wasn’t isolated either.”
unpacking childhood trauma through person-centred support
“I wasn’t allowed to cry, wasn’t allowed to be angry. I remember a particular instance which left me second-guessing myself. She (my mum) would often shout at me for getting dirty, saying I was doing it on purpose just to make work for her.”
For the first time, someone gently suggested Donna may have experienced emotional abuse and trauma. That helped Donna begin to make sense of her reactions, especially around trust and fear of rejection.
Writing poetry gave Donna emotional clarity in a way journaling didn’t.
“I began to journal but didn’t really enjoy it. It wasn’t sufficient; I couldn’t get my feelings out through it. Then I discovered I could release emotions through poetry, something my mum had always said I wasn’t good at. They were very dark poems to start with but over time, I began to write about nature as well. Now poetry gives me release… I can feel my chest lifting a little bit higher when I breathe.”
In her poem ‘Child’, Donna describes a child who “was blamed for everything” and “hid in the quiet”. The poem ‘Mother’ reflects the conflict of grief and trauma: “I cried for you, not because you died, but because I never had you.”
processing grief in a person-centred space
When her mother died, Donna felt conflicted. There was guilt, grief but also relief. She also carried deep concerns about how her own emotional struggles had affected her son.
“My mum would tell people I wouldn’t make a good mum. When I became a mother, I struggled, questioning every choice I made. I hated being called ‘mum’ and still do. It is a word that instils dread in me, deep down into my core.
“I am always questioning if I did a good job raising my son. If he is happy and feels supported.”
By coincidence, Donna had been matched with an Outreach Worker who understood that kind of family dynamic. She had been raised in a similar environment and used her lived experience to offer understanding without judgement.
“I told my Outreach Worker that I didn’t feel like I was grieving properly. I was relieved to have someone to tell and that I felt guilty about it. But she said there’s no right way to go through this process – that it was okay to feel what I was feeling.”
With help, Donna began to see that her emotional patterns came from not being heard or understood as a child.
“Now I know that those feelings and emotions are coming from the fact that I was never listened to.”
when traditional services fall short
While receiving outreach support from Change Mental Health, Donna was referred to NHS psychology. But the experience didn’t work for her. Donna needed someone to help her open up and trust others. However, the psychologist wanted to get deeper and work on things which Donna wasn’t able to unpack at the time.
“I felt listened to but I wasn’t ready, it was too overwhelming.”
Donna withdrew again, struggling to leave the house and feeling panicked and isolated. But her Outreach Worker didn’t disappear. She stayed in touch by phone until Donna felt able to return to in-person sessions.
Unlike the more structured approach of traditional therapy, the person-centred support she continued to receive gave her time to go at her own pace. Eventually, Donna began to go out again, slowly, carefully and began to sew.
“I started doing things just for me. It wasn’t easy but I started making choices for myself.”
a new perspective and a growing voice
Donna began quilting, a hobby that grounded her. She donated some of her bunting work to the resource centre.
“I discovered sewing, a hobby that was not destroyed by negative feedback. A newfound feeling of pride in myself. I even have my bunting displayed on the resource centre’s walls.”
One-to-one work with her Outreach Worker continued to be an anchor for Donna. Together, they explored patterns, triggers and emotional regulation.
Perhaps the clearest sign of Donna’s growth is that she now feels hope for the future and is considering joining the resource centre’s activities. Suicidal thoughts no longer have a dark cloud over her. It’s a reminder that healing doesn’t come all at once, but it becomes possible with time, support and a space to speak. One of her recent poems says:
“It may take time but you will get there, with the help and understanding of others who see the true value of you: The brilliant you who is hiding under a veil of shame and hurt.”
Feel the rage, smash, yell, hit, scream.
I sit here with it all inside.
Not able to let it out.
Not safe, not allowed.
Negative attention. I am bad.
“Look at me. I would do anything for you.”
“You do behave for me or else.”
Please, mummy, talk to me. I’ll be good. I need your love.
She’s back. All’s forgiven. Will it last?
If I behave, yes if I behave.
Keep quiet in the background.
Don’t cause a stir, don’t be a child.
Listen carefully to her mood.
Tread carefully. Don’t be bad.
I’m to blame, it’s all my fault.
She’s back and all is safe.
Why did you let them ignore you?
Why did you let them belittle you?
Why did you let them laugh at you?
What did you expect me to do?
I was only a child. I was so small and vulnerable.
I didn’t know what to do.
They were supposed to love me, to care for me, and make me feel safe.
I didn’t know what else to do.
I wasn’t to blame, I’m still not to blame.
Take my hand little one,
And together we will walk into the future.
We will heal together.
We will learn to love each other, not to blame each other.
We are one and the same.
Together we can make it.
Hold each other close and weep together and cleanse.
An apology is not enough for her and you never know how to please her.
She accuses you of taking her for granted. Always telling you how much she has done for you.
She finds fault with you, eroding your self-confidence and self-esteem.
She is controlling. She instils self-doubt in everything you do.
She takes offence easily. But you are not allowed to. If you do, you are a drama queen.
She is brilliant at manipulating you.
She is opinionated and condemns others in private.
She is friendly and even talks to those people she secretly despises.
She makes you anxious.
The world revolved around her. She has to be the centre of attention.
The constant need for attention, manipulation and emotional turmoil.
The experience often leaves lasting emotional scard and trauma.
support
Want to find out more about the support Change Mental Health delivers in Dumfries and Galloway?
We are active from one side of Dumfries and Galloway to the other. We work closely with communities to deliver person-centred mental health support, ensuring that no one is left behind in some of the most rural areas of the region.
We run resource centres in Dumfries, Annan, Castle Douglas, Newton Stewart and Stranraer. These provide a safe, comfortable and non-judgmental space where people can socialise and complete skills to improve their confidence and wellbeing while taking part in various activities.
Our National Advice and Support Service can help you and people you care for with mental health concerns and money worries.
We can link and signpost you to relevant local and national support, including our own Change Mental Health services, as well supporting with debt, grants and benefits.
The service is open Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm (closed for lunch between 12.30pm to 1.30pm). Contact 0808 8010 515, email advice@changemh.org or fill in the form on the service webpage.
For full details about the service, visit the National Advice and Support Service webpage.
