fathers and mental health
a guide for dads on how to support your mental health and wellbeing
Being a father can be demanding. However, many fathers feel ashamed to talk openly about their mental health. This can lead to mental health issues becoming more prevalent for upcoming dads.
Being a dad is a big deal. It comes with lots of feelings – some happy, some uncertain. It’s important to know that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. Many fathers may find themselves grappling with questions about their role, identity and relationship changes.
There is often a lot of stigma around the idea that men shouldn’t be emotional. However, it’s important to recognise that men can and do experience strong emotions, especially in the first months after their child is born.
Studies show that up to 10% of dads go through depression and 15% experience anxiety during this time.
With potential challenges brought on by money worries while struggling to provide the best for your children, we must recognise the mental health difficulties both new parents face and ensure there is support available for new fathers.
Common myths about fathers and mental health
fathers don’t get postpartum depression
While postpartum depression is commonly associated with mothers, between 7% and 9% of new fathers develop postpartum depression due to insecurities about their parenting skills.
becoming a dad should come naturally to you
Expecting everything to come naturally can create unrealistic pressure and contribute to feelings of inadequacy if things don’t go as smoothly. Being a good dad requires learning, effort and the ability to ask for help.
dads don’t experience “empty nest” syndrome
Empty nest syndrome, the emotional distress parents may feel when their children leave home, is not exclusive to mothers. Dads may also experience a sense of loss, purposelessness or loneliness as their kids become independent.
Spotting signs of poor mental health
Taking care of your mental health is like tuning in to your feelings and recognising when something doesn’t quite feel right. Do you feel down often? Are you constantly worried? Do you have trouble sleeping? Do you not enjoy the activities that you used to do? These are signs that your mental health needs some attention.
Recognising these signs and talking about them is hugely important. It’s not about having all the answers but acknowledging that sometimes we all need a bit of help. Being aware of your mental health and having open conversations about it can lead to a happier and healthier you. That’s not just good for you but also your family.
What’s the impact of having poor mental health?
When your mental health takes a hit, it ripples through your relationships. Communication gets trickier and stress piles up. Connecting with your child may become more challenging, impacting the special bond you share. Your part in your child’s life as a role model is crucial. Disregarding your mental health might unintentionally teach less-than-healthy coping methods to your children.
When a parent is struggling with their mental health, it can create an emotionally charged atmosphere at home. It can impact a child’s ability to understand and express their feelings. This may also increase the risk of behavioural issues, like mood swings and acting out, and impact their ability to concentrate.
How can I support my mental health as a father?
Here are some practical ways and guidance that you can use to encourage positive mental health as a father:
Connect with your child/children
Spend quality time with your child. Whether you play games, go for walks or read together, these moments strengthen your bond and create lasting memories. Take this time to have fun and build skills. Teach them a new game, share your favourite childhood stories, or work together on a creative project.
Reach out to family and friends
Don’t do it alone. Build a support network of friends, family and fellow dads. Share experiences, joys, and concerns. Sometimes, knowing that others have been there can make a world of difference. Encourage your child to connect with their extended family too.
Communicate openly
Share your feelings openly with your partner, family and friends. Create a safe space for open conversations with your child. Active listening encourages trust and strengthens relationships.
Prioritise self-care
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. A brisk walk enhances wellbeing and can clear your mind. Develop healthy habits, like preparing meals ahead and creating routines. These will promote positive coping mechanisms.
Introduce positive habits like mindfulness or a personal hobby, which provide relaxation in the hustle of life. And remember to take breaks when needed. Those moments will help you better handle the challenges that come your way.
Reflect on fatherhood
Take some time to reflect on your journey as a dad. Celebrate the victories, acknowledge and address the challenges, and give yourself credit for the effort you’re putting in. Reflecting on parenthood allows you to appreciate the growth and lessons that come with the role.
Seek support
If things get tough, don’t hesitate to reach out to healthcare professionals or counsellors for help and guidance. Seeking professional support provides reassurance and guidance during challenging times. Asking for help is a sign of strength. If appropriate, involve your child in discussions about mental health, helping them understand the importance of seeking help when needed.
Financial support and leave options for fathers
Fatherhood brings not only joy but also a set of practical considerations, including financial support and leave entitlements. Below, we discuss available support options for fathers.
Do I get any financial support as a father?
Being a new father can be financially stressful. Some studies suggest that raising a child can cost you up to £160,000, with this value increasing every year due to inflation. Fortunately, there are benefits that you can access as a father such as the Best Start Grant and the Scottish Child Payment.
It is important to note that these benefits are only available in Scotland. These benefits might not be available in other home countries.
For more information, our Advice and Support Service can help you with information regarding other benefits that you can apply for. Alternatively, you can read more about financial support on the Mental Health and Money Advice website.
Do I get any support from my employer as a new dad?
Under Scottish law, you are entitled to up to two (2) weeks of paternity leave from your employer.
Depending on your employer, you may be able to receive more than two weeks of leave or Enhanced Paternity leave. Another option to consider is Shared Parental Leave if your partner would like to work earlier. You can read more about Paternity leave, including the current value of Statutory Paternity Pay, on the UK Government website.
Although mainly used for employers, one way you can check how much you should be getting is by using the Maternity, Adoption and paternity calculator for employers. As an employee, you can check whether you are getting the legally required pay from your employer.
support
Our Advice and Support Service is open Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm (closed for lunch between 12.30pm and 1.30pm), where advisers can signpost you to local support that most fits your needs, including our Change Mental Health services. We offer initial advice on money worries and help to deal with emergencies.
Contact 0808 8010 515, email us at advice@changemh.org or fill out the enquiry form on the Advice and Support Service page.
Other support available
Fathers Network Scotland
A charity committed to improving children’s lives through the involvement of fathers.
Parent Club
An online resource endorsed by the Scottish Government that offers advice to parents through all the different stages of family life.
Dads Rock
An organisation dedicated to helping fathers in Scotland through group work, workshops, 1:1 and peer support.
Circle Fathers support
Part of the Circle range of support services for fathers and fathers-to-be in the Edinburgh city region.
One Parent Families Scotland
An organisation providing support for single parents, including single fathers.
