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managing grief and loss

managing grief and loss

grief can affect you in many different ways but there are ways to get support

You are not alone. If you are feeling suicidal, help is available

Samaritans (116 123) is a 24-hour anonymous service available every day of the year. If you prefer not to speak on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.

PAPYRUS (0800 068 41 41) is a voluntary organisation supporting teenagers and young adults who are feeling suicidal. 

Breathing Space (0800 83 85 87) is a website and phone service for anyone experiencing low mood, depression or anxiety.

NHS 24 by dialling 111 if you feel you need to speak with a medical professional.

Content Warning: The following article mentions suicide and could be triggering. 

Dealing with grief and loss an be incredibly challenging. It can affect your mental and physical health. Whether it is something recent or more in the past, grief can bring a whirlwind of emotions. 

When we lose someone or something important, grief is a natural response. It could be the passing of someone close, a beloved pet or even major life changes that leave us feeling lost and disconnected. 

Handling these feelings while trying to carry on with daily life can feel overwhelming, but sharing what you’re going through can make a big difference. Grief takes time. It’s not something that magically disappears overnight. However, there are ways to help you cope. 

 

what is the difference between grief and bereavement?

People often use the terms grief and bereavement as if they are the same thing, when in fact they have slightly different meanings. Bereavement refers to the fact of the loss. Whereas, grief can include the emotional response – the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that stem from the response to the loss. 

 

common myths about grief

everybody experiences grief the same way

Grief isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. Everyone grieves in their own way, for as long as they need to, which sometimes means a lifetime. Time may ease grief’s intensity, but it doesn’t erase it. Healing often means learning to live with loss rather than getting over it. 

it’s best to keep grief to yourself 

It’s healthy to talk about your grief and seek support from friends, family or professionals. Sharing your feelings can be an essential part of healing. Research shows strong, supportive relationships, can help you find acceptance and build self–compassion while grieving. 

death is the only cause of grief

You can feel grief for the loss of things besides death. The ending of a meaningful relationship or friendship, loss of a job or someone’s illness can all cause you to grieve the way things used to be. 

how grief affects your mind and body

Grief is a complex response that affects you in many ways. While these reactions are a normal part of coping, they can sometimes feel overwhelming, confusing and exhausting. Grief looks different for everyone, but outlined below are some of the common ways it can crop up:

Emotional Impacts 

  • Sadness 
  • Guilt 
  • Denial or disbelief 
  • Shame 
  • Anger 
  • Overwhelm 
  • Relief 

Physical Impacts 

  • Changes in appetite – undereating or seeking comfort through food 
  • Changes in sleep patterns 
  • Fatigue or exhaustion  

Cognitive Impacts 

  • Losing sense of time 
  • Forgetfulness 
  • Difficulty focussing or making decisions 

Social Impacts 

  • Withdrawing from social activities 
  • Seeking isolation 
  • Lashing out at loved ones 
  • Feeling disconnected and detached. 

Many of these feelings are normal to experience right after the loss. However, if they are prolonged they may put you at risk of experiencing mental health issues. 

 

mental health effects of loss

Losing someone or something significant can shake the very foundation of your wellbeing. It’s more than just an emotional experience. It can profoundly impact how we think, feel and act. This means you may experience some mental health conditions. 

Depression 

Grief often brings feelings of sadness, changes in appetite and sleep patterns and a reluctance to engage with others or participate in your regular activities. If your grief is affecting your daily life, it might lead to depression. 

Anxiety

Grief often triggers feelings of uncertainty and anxiety about the future. Symptoms may include nausea, palpitations or panic attacks and prolonged worry might lead to the development of anxiety. 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) 

If you experience traumatic loss, such as the sudden death of a loved one, you may develop symptoms of PTSD. These can include flashbacks and nightmares with reminders of the loss. This can be particularly relevant if you worked in the military or are a veteran. 

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts 

In some of the toughest moments of grief, you might find yourself battling self-harm or suicidal thoughts. You might feel as if you’re trapped in a storm of emotions, where the pain feels too heavy to bear and the world seems overwhelming. See support contacts at the top of this page if you are experiencing self-harm or suicidal thoughts.

Prolonged grief disorder (PGD) 

If your symptoms of grief continue for a long time and you are struggling to come to terms with the loss, you may be experiencing PGD. However, some of the symptoms, such as feeling numb or being unable to find enjoyment in your daily life, can feel similar to depression or other mental health conditions. If you’re worried about what you’re feeling, reach out to a GP or a mental health professional for support. 

 

types of loss

While any loss can turn your world upside down, some types of bereavement can come with their own unique challenges. 

Loss by suicide 

When you lose a loved one to suicide, it can be hard to make sense of the emotions and thoughts swirling within you. You might question if there were signs you missed or feel burdened by guilt or self-blame, asking yourself if you could have done more.  Taking care of your own wellbeing is vital, as people bereaved by suicide are at a greater risk of suicidal thoughts themselves. 

“I have found the support through the Suicide Bereavement Support Service very helpful. Being able to speak openly about how it’s affected me has helped coming to terms with my grief.”

A person who received support from our Suicide Bereavement Service, located in Highland and Argyll & Bute

Losing a child

No parent expects to outlive their child, and the grief that follows can feel intensely painful. Even when a child’s death is beyond your control, it’s common to struggle with guilt or responsibility, or feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself, making it hard to return to normal life. As a result, parents who have lost a child are at higher risk of mental health conditions. Some support strategies are outlined in the Getting Support section.

Loss from miscarriage or infertility

Having a miscarriage or being unable to have a baby can be incredibly distressful and a life-changing loss. You may grieve not only the expected child but also the future you had been imagining. Additionally, you may dismiss your feelings or question whether your grief is valid, especially if others don’t acknowledge your pain. Your loss is real, and the emotions you’re experiencing are a natural part of grieving. 

Losing a pet

Our pets often become valued family members. However, it is normal to have similar reactions to losing a pet that you would with a person. Making the hard choice to end your pet’s life can leave you feeling guilty, even if it was the right choice for their wellbeing. Although people may discount your grief with comments like “it was only a dog”, you are not alone. Your feelings are valid.

how do I cope with grief?

1. Getting support

We know that more than 1 in 4 people feel unable to confide in others about their grief. Yet, talking about your feelings can reduce isolation and emotional toll. You can try to seek support from your network, including friends, family, community or professionals, such as support lines, local support groups, peer support and more.  

There is online support available where you can find more detailed information on managing mental health and grief: 

It may feel scary to reach out for support when you feel embarrassed or ashamed of your response to grief. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and it can make a real difference in your healing journey. Professional support can prevent a loss of interest in your daily life, self-neglect and isolation that hinders your relationships with loved ones and new connections. 

2. Look after yourself 

Although it’s important to allow yourself time to process your grief don’t forget to take care of yourself. If you ignore your wellbeing, it can lead to burnout.

Try to: 

  • Plan ahead for practical matters and important dates following a loved one’s passing. Manage your stress levels to prevent the return of grief symptoms. 
  • Get enough sleep: Studies demonstrate that improving how well you sleep reduces overthinking and stress, and can be help depression and anxiety 
  • Engage in hobbies: These are a great way to do activities you enjoy and spend time with like-minded people who share your interests. 
  • Spend time outdoors: Spending about 15 minutes outside in green spaces and nature, four or more times a week, can boost your mood, lower stress and improve overall well-being. 
3. Consider counselling 

Many people who have suffered a loss, especially a sudden death, benefit from talking with a therapist. By speaking to a therapist who isn’t emotionally connected to you, it can make it easier to talk about your feelings and navigate your grief. Your local GP can help you find counselling services in your area. 

 

Bereavement Support 

We know that the death of a close family member can affect your finances and lead to money worries, which further compound the grieving process. In fact, studies show that more than 65% of people who lost a partner were financially unprepared for bereavement. 

There are certain benefits available for those bereaved in Scotland, such as:

contact

Suicide Bereavement Support Service

Our Suicide Bereavement Support Service, provided in Highland and Argyll & Bute, is free and confidential for anyone affected by suicide in these areas. You can contact this service on 0800 471 4768 and leave a message or you can email directly at suicidebereavementsupport@nhs.scot.

National Advice and Support Service

Our National Advice and Support Service can help you and people you care for with mental health concerns and money worries. 

We can link and signpost you to relevant local and national support, including our own Change Mental Health services, as well supporting with debt, grants and benefits. 

The service is open Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm (closed for lunch between 12.30pm to 1.30pm). Contact 0808 8010 515, email advice@changemh.org or fill in the form on the service webpage. 

For full details about the service, visit the National Advice and Support Service webpage. 

 Other support

  • Cruse Bereavement Support provide compassionate bereavement support to anyone across Scotland affected by loss. They have a free helpline on 0808 802 6161, which can be contacted on Monday to Friday (9am to 8pm) and weekends (10am to 2pm).
  • The Good Grief Trust offers condolences, support, stories and signposts to 1000+ charities and support services for those who have suffered a bereavement.