self-harm
You are not alone. If you are feeling suicidal or need support with self-harm, help is available
Samaritans (116 123)– 24/7 confidential support for anyone in distress.
PAPYRUS (0800 068 41 41) – help for young people experiencing thoughts of suicide.
Breathing Space (0800 83 85 87) – support for low mood, depression and anxiety.
NHS 24 by dialling 111 if you feel you need to speak with a medical professional.
Self-Harm Network provides free and compassionate support, resources and information about self-harm.
Content Warning: The following article discusses suicide and self-harm, which could be triggering.
Self-harm relates to any behaviour where someone intentionally causes harm to themselves as a way to cope with emotional pain. It is often misunderstood, but for many it serves as a response to overwhelming feelings, trauma or mental health struggles.
While self-harm is serious, with the right support, most people can and do stop self-harming. This resource aims to provide clear, compassionate information on why self-harm happens, how to support someone affected by it and where to get help.
Many people self-harm in private and may feel ashamed or afraid of being judged. However, self-harm is not attention-seeking. It is a response to emotional pain and it is important to approach it with understanding and support rather than blame or criticism.
In Scotland, self-harm is a serious concern, especially among young people. The Scottish Health Survey found that 25% of 16-24 year olds and 10% of adults reported having self-harmed at some point. Data suggests these rates are increasing and 36% of young people who participated in the Growing Up in Highland study reported self-harming at least once.
understanding self-harm
Self-harm is not a mental health condition on its own but is often linked to distress, trauma or mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and eating disorders. It is most often associated with cutting, burning or hitting oneself, but self-harm can take many different forms, including:
- Substance use – using alcohol or drugs to numb distress.
- Disordered eating – restricting food, binge eating or purging as a form of control or self-punishment, normally associated with people who have concerns about body image and those experiencing Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
- Risk-taking behaviour – putting oneself in dangerous situations without regard for safety.
- Social or emotional self-harm – withdrawing from others, sabotaging relationships or engaging in harmful behaviours that reinforce negative feelings.
Although self-harm can provide temporary relief, it does not address the underlying emotional pain. Over time, it can create a cycle of shame, secrecy and distress, making it even harder to reach out for help.
why do people self-harm?
People who self-harm often describe it as a way to manage difficult emotions, regain control or express distress when they feel unable to communicate in other ways.
For some, self-harm is a response to feelings of overwhelming sadness, anger or emotional numbness. It can provide a momentary release or a sense of relief when emotions feel too intense to handle.
Many people who self-harm have experienced trauma, neglect or abuse, and self-harm may develop as a way to manage the emotional impact of those experiences. Dissociation – a feeling of being disconnected from one’s body or reality – can also lead people to use self-harm as a way to ‘feel something’ or bring themselves back to the present moment.
Social isolation, bullying, relationship breakdowns and external pressures, such as financial worries or work demands, can also contribute to self-harm.
In some cases, it becomes a way to communicate distress when words feel inadequate, particularly when someone feels unheard or misunderstood.
Self-harm does not mean that someone wants to die. However, people who self-harm are at an increased risk of suicidal thoughts, making it even more important to seek support.
what are some signs that someone might be hurting themselves?
Self-harm is often hidden, but there may be signs that indicate someone is self-harming. These might include, but are not limited to:
- Having unexplained cuts, bruises or burns on their body
- Always wearing long sleeves or trousers to cover up marks
- Feeling down on themselves or guilty
- Avoiding activities that involve exposing their body, like swimming or changing clothes in front of others
- Spending a lot of time alone and withdrawing from social interactions
- Expressing feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
If you notice these signs in someone you care about, reaching out with kindness and patience can make a difference.
how to help yourself if you self-harm?
Reach out
Even if it feels like a big challenge, try reaching out to someone you trust about what’s going on. Talking to a friend, family member or professional can help ease the weight of what you’re feeling. If speaking to someone directly feels difficult, peer support groups – both online and in person – offer a space to connect with others who understand.
Develop coping strategies
Finding alternative ways to cope with distress can help reduce self-harm and manage emotions more safely. Expressing feelings through journalling, art or music. Grounding techniques, physical activity and self-soothing techniques like mindfulness can help in overwhelming moments or create comfort.
Plan ahead
Having a plan in place can make it easier to handle difficult moments. Your plan should include previously established coping strategies, people you can trust and support services you can turn to when in need of help. If you’re uncertain where to start, there are resources available to help you create a safety plan.
Find a safe space
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, seek out a space where you feel safe and at ease. Whether it’s your own room, a friend’s comforting space or a quiet spot outdoors, take a moment to breathe.
Recognise your triggers
Try to pinpoint the situations, emotions or memories that trigger your self-harming urges. For example, you might find that feelings of grief or loss make you more vulnerable. Once you’re aware of your triggers, you can develop coping strategies to navigate them more effectively.
Stay connected
Even if you’re not up for a chat, spending time with friends or family can provide a sense of companionship and belonging. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you can offer comfort and support during challenging times.
how to support someone who self-harms?
Be observant
Keep an eye out for changes in behaviour or appearance. They might be trying to hide their injuries or avoid talking about what’s going on. Pay attention if they mention having suicidal thoughts or seem overwhelmed by depression, anxiety or even financial worries.
Stay calm and listen
Reacting with shock or anger can make someone feel ashamed and less likely to talk.
Acknowledge their feelings
Let them know you care and that their emotions are valid. Avoid giving ultimatums (e.g. “Promise me you’ll never do this again”) or dismissing their feelings (e.g. “Things aren’t that bad”).
Encourage help
Suggest that your friend talks to a trusted adult or counsellor about what’s going on. They might need professional help to deal with their feelings in a healthy way. Sometimes, having someone outside of their immediate circle to talk to can make a big difference.
Check in regularly
Let them know they are not alone and that you’re there for them. A simple message asking how their day is going or inviting them for a walk, coffee or a shared activity can remind them that someone cares. At the same time, be mindful that checking in too often can feel overwhelming or put pressure on them to respond. It’s important to respect their space while letting them know you’re available.
Take care of yourself
Supporting someone who’s struggling can be tough, so make sure you’re taking care of yourself too. Talk to someone you trust if you’re feeling overwhelmed or need support. Setting your own boundaries and seeking help when you need it is important for both you and your friend.
contact us
Our Advice and Support Service is open Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm (closed for lunch between 12.30pm and 1.30pm), where advisers can signpost you to local support that most fits your needs, including our Change Mental Health services. We offer initial advice on money worries and help to deal with emergencies.
Contact 0808 8010 515, email us at advice@changemh.org or fill out the enquiry form on the Advice and Support Service page.
