what are boundaries? 

Boundaries help us manage the balance between what we need and what others need from us.  

They are personal rules outlining your limits and what behaviour is acceptable, including taking care of your needs, emotions, and personal space, and provide a guide for navigating relationships and situations confidently. 

Boundaries are an ongoing process and may change as priorities shift. Being transparent about your limits helps manage expectations, avoid overextending yourself, and protect your mental health. 

Boundaries are also about mutual respect. When someone communicates their boundary, it’s important to respect it, just as you would want yours respected. 

why should I set boundaries? 

There are many reasons why you should set boundaries. Here are a few reasons why:  

1. Preserves mental health 

Setting boundaries is like putting on a mental health ‘armour’. Just as armour shields the body, boundaries act as a protective shield for your wellbeing. It helps protect you from stress, depression and burnout, helping you navigate life’s challenges with resilience and confidence. 

2. Manages stress

Boundaries allow you to manage your time and energy, giving you time to rest, unwind and de-stress. Ignoring your needs for rest impacts both your physical and mental health by increasing stress hormones, and causing emotional burnout. 

3. Encourages effective communication 

Boundaries prevent misunderstandings and conflict by setting expectations and helping communicate to others your needs and limits. This puts less strain on relationships, and makes you feel more understood and accepted by friends, family and colleagues. 

4. Promotes self-worth and self-esteem 

By setting boundaries, you improve your self-esteem, as you demonstrate to yourself that you value your time and energy. In doing so, you gain a sense of control and agency by expressing how you wish your needs to be respected. Setting these limits is an act of self care and asserts your right to be treated with consideration and dignity. 

5. Balances priorities 

Boundaries are a practical tool for managing time and energy, aiding the prioritisation of tasks. Picture boundaries as a compass guiding you through your daily responsibilities, helping define what is essential and focus your efforts and energy.  

what happens when you don’t set boundaries?

While talking about the advantages of boundaries, it’s just as important to think about how not having them can affect your life and mental wellbeing. 

Overwhelm and low self-esteem 

If you keep saying yes when your plate is already full, you can become overwhelmed and your self-esteem may be impacted. Boundaries give us permission to say ‘no’ and ensure we don’t take on more than we can handle. When feeling overwhelmed, try grounding techniques or mindfulness to reduce stress and bring a sense of calm. 

Chronic people pleasing  

It is natural to want to be liked. However, extending yourself to others when you lack mental energy doesn’t serve you or others.  

If you’ve spent a long time without boundaries, setting them can feel uncomfortable and you may feel selfish, guilty or like you are letting someone down. These feelings are normal. They don’t mean you are wrong; you’re just not used to putting yourself first. Knowing that these uncomfortable feelings may crop up can help you navigate them more calmly.  

Struggling to manage time and energy  

Without healthy boundaries, prioritising tasks and responsibilities becomes difficult. Persevering past your limits can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion, disrupted sleep, burnout, chronic stress and reduced wellbeing.  

Strained relationships 

Without communicating your needs in relationships, it can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, emotional distance and conflict. It can also leave you more vulnerable to toxic individuals that may take advantage of you. Therefore, healthy boundaries help foster successful and long-lasting relationships. 

how do I set boundaries…? 

The beauty of boundaries is that they’re individual, shaped by your own life and experience. Still, setting them can still feel daunting. Boundaries might involve speaking up when one is crossed, leaving uncomfortable situations, or limiting time with toxic people. 

Below are a few examples of how to start setting boundaries in different areas of your life: 

…at work? 

Being upfront about your workload and deadlines keeps everyone aware of what you can handle. Saying ‘no’ signals your limits to others. Tackle important tasks first, then focus on those that make a difference. It’s like having a game plan that helps you stay on track and avoid unnecessary tasks. You can read more about maintaining good mental health at work here.  

Working from home can blur work-life boundaries, affecting your wellbeing by reducing time for both work and personal life. However, research shows having a healthy lifestyle helps to buffer these negative effects. This can look like getting enough sleep, doing daily movement and eating balanced meals.   

…at school? 

64% of Scottish students are report low mental wellbeing. Boundaries can help protect your mental health by ensuring you have time to rest and relax while keeping up with studies. 

Avoid juggling academic and personal life by making a study schedule and setting realistic goals. Chat with friends about expectations on group projects and make sure everyone is on the same page. Don’t forget to carve out your own distraction-free study – time that’s your personal boundary. You can read more about maintaining mental health in education here.  

… with my family? 

Be straightforward about your need and expectations. Establishing routines for personal time and having open conversations about boundaries can create a supportive family environment. Clear communication helps create a shared space that respects individual needs and promotes a positive, cohesive atmosphere. 

…in a relationship? 

Keep communication open by discussing your individual needs and expectations honestly. Establish and respect each other’s personal space and time, creating a balance that works for both. Regularly check in and tweak those boundaries as your relationship grows and evolves. 

Our National Advice and Support Service can help you and people you care for with mental health concerns and money worries.

We can link and signpost you to relevant local and national support, including our own Change Mental Health services, as well supporting with debt, grants and benefits.

The service is open Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm (closed for lunch between 12.30pm to 1.30pm). Contact 0808 8010 515, email advice@changemh.org or fill in the form on the service webpage.

For full details about the service, visit the National Advice and Support Service webpage.