My name is Sylvia and I am a carer for my husband, Steven. We have a son and two beautiful bunnies. Steven has spinal stenosis, among other conditions. I became his carer in late 2020 / early 2021 after a bad flare-up that worsened his condition. His mobility suffered and his pain levels became worse.

This led to Steven being medically retired, which plunged us into financial difficulty. At the same time, his condition continued to worsen and my caring responsibilities increased. I found myself supporting him physically and emotionally while also trying to hold everything together for our family.

the impact of caring on my life 

As Steven’s condition became more severe, I took on more responsibility at home to manage appointments, finances and daily life. Everything depended on me and I found it difficult to switch off, constantly worrying about what might happen next. 

I felt isolated and alone with it all and didn’t feel able to talk openly about how hard things were. I often felt guilty for struggling when my husband was unwell, leaving my own wellbeing pushed aside as I focused on getting through each day. 

It didn’t help that I was recovering from a mental breakdown after the loss of my dad, dealing with my recent diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) and trauma from my childhood. I was on waiting lists for Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and other support, but they were long.

At the same time, the whole weight of household chores, gardening, childcare and planning appointments fell on me. I forgot about myself, stopped caring about my health, how I looked, and what I loved and lived to serve. 

My mental health deteriorated.  I felt alone, overwhelmed, and struggled with low mood and self-confidence. I didn’t feel like myself anymore.  

engaging with Carer Support  

I can’t remember exactly how I was referred to Carer Support in Tayside, run by Change Mental Health, but I do remember feeling dejected and sceptical. 

I kind of straddle the two genres, being a carer and someone who has severe mental health issues. It was reassuring to be met with compassion and understanding, and I felt able to talk openly without feeling blamed.

Since then, I’ve been supported by the Carer Support service team, including Eddie, whose steady and consistent support has helped me feel more secure and able to trust the process.

The non-judgmental, friendly and knowledgeable support that draws on lived experience is life-changing. When you’re dealing with illness, caring and mental health, you will have people who know you a lot but haven’t experienced what you’re facing. Change Mental Health is different and it’s amazing. I respect and value the staff more because of it.

support, tools and rebuilding confidence

I was supported with practical issues as well as my own mental health. I was referred to the National Advice and Support Service to maximise our benefits and was supported in accessing a food gift card. I was also helped to get support with my garden, which gave me some breathing space.

I was also encouraged to think about self-care and doing things just for me. This was very difficult at first. Caring had taken over my life and I had forgotten how to put myself first. For example, I hadn’t been swimming for decades and had so many anxieties and fears around starting again. Being in the pool made me feel free and talking helped me feel a bit better.

I was introduced to the circle of control, which helped me understand what I could control and what I couldn’t. I learned to stop ‘hammer time’, which made a massive difference to my life.

The one-to-one support helped me feel safe enough to engage with groups and activities. I would never have considered attending courses or workshops without that initial connection.

Over time, I began to feel more confident and more able to cope. I started to feel like myself again.