What are the signs to look out for?

There are some signs that someone may be facing a difficult time with their mental health or may be at risk of developing a mental health condition. This is not an exhaustive list and there may be other signs not mentioned. The most important thing is to look out for changes to their usual behaviour or attitudes. Here are some common signs to look out for:

• Seeming sad or down often
• Withdrawing from social activities
• Taking longer than usual to reply to messages
• Changes in energy levels
• Being self-critical or having low self esteem
• Changes in sleep, eating habits or personal hygiene
• Being late or not showing up to work, school or university
• Mentioning seeing or hearing things that others cannot see
• Frequently mentioning death or making jokes about it.

What do I do if someone tells me about their mental health out of the blue?

There may be situations where someone opens up unexpectedly about their mental health, and so it can feel surprising or overwhelming. In these times, there are three things you should check:

1. Are they in a safe space? Consider whether it’s a good place to talk about this right now or is there somewhere they’d feel more comfortable talking, such as the outdoors or a private place.
2. Is there anyone they need to speak to immediately? For example, if they are in crisis, it is best to speak to a healthcare professional and/or a mental health helpline (examples are provided at the top of the page).
3. Are you okay? This is a good time to check in with yourself too – are you in the right headspace to offer emotional support now?

How do I start a conversation about mental health?

If you are worried about someone’s mental health, it can be hard to know what to say or how to approach the subject, especially if you have never spoken to them about it before. Here are some examples of questions you could ask to help create a safe space for them to open up:

1. “How have you been feeling lately?” – A simple question like this can be an important first step in helping someone talk about what they are going through. They may say they’re fine at first, so it’s important to keep checking in, without pressuring them to talk before they’re ready.
2. “Have you talked to anyone else about this?” – This question helps identify their support system and whether they have sought help from others.
3. “What makes you feel better at the moment?” – This can explore if they do any self-care activities, which can point toward coping mechanisms.
4. “Where/when do you feel safest?” – This helps identify ways to modify the immediate surroundings to promote a supportive and understanding atmosphere and environment.
5. “How can I best support you right now?” – This shows your willingness to listen to their needs rather than guess at things that may help.
6. “Are you getting enough rest and taking care of yourself physically?” – This helps establish how the person is dealing with other areas of their life.

If suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming themselves or others are mentioned when you start the conversation, it’s important to take immediate action to ensure their safety as well as your own. For further advice, read the section on ‘What do I do in a mental health crisis situation?’

creating a safe space to talk

It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. The way you approach a conversation about mental health can be just as important as the questions you ask. Creating a calm, supportive atmosphere can help someone feel more comfortable talking about their mental health.

When having the conversation, it can help to:

Actively listen:

Listen carefully without interrupting or rushing to offer solutions. Give the person time to speak and acknowledge what they are saying.

Ask open questions:

Avoid yes-or-no questions and instead use open-ended ones that encourage the person to share more. For example, rather than asking “Are you OK?” or “Did you have a good day?”, try asking “How have you been feeling today?” or “What’s been on your mind this week?”

Do not assume or diagnose:

Avoid jumping to conclusions or trying to label what they are experiencing.

Be patient:

Opening up about mental health can be difficult and might take time. They may struggle to express themselves or need space before they’re ready to talk. Be patient and let them lead the conversation.

Offer practical help:

Help and support can take many forms, not just listening. You can ask what practical things you could do to help, such as finding services, attending appointments or everyday tasks.

You should also keep in mind:

• Body language: Maintain open and relaxed body language, make eye contact where appropriate and try to avoid distractions like checking your phone
• Tone of voice: Speak calmly and without judgement. A gentle and reassuring tone can help someone feel safe and heard. Try to avoid sounding frustrated, dismissive or overly forceful, even if you feel worried or unsure what to say.

What’s not helpful to say?

Although there are no strict rules on what to say and what not to say, some comments – while well intentioned – can reinforce stigma or make someone feel worse. Some examples of these comments may be:

• “Cheer up” – This implies a person’s feelings are simple to switch off or that they’re wrong for feeling the way they do.
• “Other people have it worse / others have been through worse and they’re fine” – Comparing experiences can invalidate what someone is going through. Even if others are struggling too, it doesn’t make this person’s feelings any less real or important.
• “Just stop worrying so much / stop being so negative” – These types of comments suggest the person has full control over their thoughts or emotions, when mental health challenges are often not that straightforward. It can also add guilt or pressure.
• “You’re just overreacting” – This minimises their experience and can make someone feel embarrassed or less likely to open up again.
• “You don’t seem like you have [insert mental health condition]” – Mental health difficulties aren’t always visible. This can reinforce stereotypes and make someone feel like they need to ‘prove’ their experience is valid.
• “Have you tried [insert activity]” – While suggestions can sometimes help, offering solutions too quickly can feel like you’re trying to fix the problem rather than listening and understanding first. It can also feel dismissive if the person has already tried it.
• “I know exactly how you feel” – Even if you’ve had similar experiences, everyone’s situation is different and you can’t know exactly how they feel. This can shift the focus away from them and make them feel misunderstood.

For people who are experiencing a psychotic episode and are hearing voices or seeing things that aren’t there, avoid arguing or trying to prove to them that those things aren’t there. Focus on staying calm, offering reassurance and encouraging appropriate professional support rather than debating what is or isn’t real.

If you recognise that you’ve said some of these things before, don’t feel bad. What matters is learning from it and moving forward with more supportive, non-judgmental language and listening.

How do I check in?

You’ve already done the hardest part: starting the conversation. Checking in afterwards can help the person feel supported, cared for and less alone. It doesn’t need to be a big or serious conversation every time. Small, consistent gestures can make a real difference.

When checking in, you could:

• Send a simple message to ask how they’ve been feeling or let them know you’re thinking of them
• Remind them that you’re there to listen and support them
• Suggest low-pressure activities like going for a walk, grabbing a coffee or watching a film together
• Offer practical support if it feels appropriate, such as helping with daily tasks, studying, childcare or attending appointments.

What do I do in a mental health crisis situation?

Emergency or crisis situations are ones in which someone needs urgent help because they:

• Are feeling suicidal
• Have harmed themselves and need medical attention
• Are putting themselves or someone else at risk of harm.

If someone is not safe by themselves right now:

Help them call 999 if you feel able to do so and stay with them until medical attention arrives. If you’re unsure of your location, use the what3words app on your phone and send the link across. Alternatively, you can help them reach the nearest A&E department.

If someone is feeling suicidal:

• Ask them about their feelings and listen attentively to their response.
• Ask how you can help them. Take note of their plans and try to understand their situation.
• You can also ask them about any factors that are preventing them from acting on their suicidal thoughts, as this may help them to identify positive things to focus on.
• To ensure their safety, remove any objects they may use to harm themselves, especially if they have mentioned specific items.
• Create a plan together with them on how they can stay safe.
• Seek urgent assistance if necessary.

How do I look after myself while supporting someone else?

Looking after yourself is essential, especially when you’re supporting someone else. Caring for your wellbeing gives you the strength, time and capacity to assist others. Here are some helpful tips:

Take a break when needed: Even if you cannot take a break immediately, setting boundaries for yourself is important. Sometimes, just a few minutes is all you need to clear your thoughts.

Talk with someone you trust about your feelings: This is important, especially if you struggle to cope or have your own challenges with your mental health.

Be realistic about how you can help: Accepting that there may be certain things you cannot change or accomplish on your own can help you feel more equipped to handle them.

Promote the independence of the person you’re supporting: This may require you to take a step back and respect their choices, even if they differ from yours.

Focus on the positives in your relationship: Helping someone with their mental health can affect your relationship with them and even make you feel angry and frustrated. Promote an honest and open conversation and prioritise your role as a friend, family member or partner.

Share your caring responsibilities with others: Having support can make it easier to care for someone.

Talk to an advice line: Contact our National Advice and Support Service to find local support groups or services for caregivers. If you’re a carer, have a look at our help for carers page.